I have decided to go forward, and not backwards. I have allowed the pain to have its way in my life. The pain is awful at times, but it can be my best friend as it continually teaches me things that I never knew before. This page of my book taught me humility. It taught me how to dream without a ceiling all while staying in the passenger seat of the vehicle. It reminds me that at times even when I feel heartbreak and can bear to peek at the bright future that is around the bend, I can rest knowing that it all is not in my hands anymore. I have loosened my grip and have given those plans to Him so that I can hold his hand. And it taught me that God is more important to me than having my way. And it isn't me that holds the scroll that has on it the plans for my life, and it isn't me that has perfect timing. In Him I rest because he holds the scroll, he has created the scroll and the plans that are written on it, he knows me entirely, he loves me entirely as I am and his timing is absolutely perfect in every way.
I remember those first days after I enlisted as I processed the change. I never thought my dreams would change, but now they have. And at this point, I can't imagine living my life without the hope of being an Airmen in the Air National Guard of the United States. I am so proud of this calling I have received from God himself. Many people on base have said ,"You thought your enlistment was the best day, wait until you graduate. The pride you had on your date of enlistment will seem pale in comparison to the pride you will feel when graduating." I can't wait to be an Airmen and being fully trained. I wonder about all the things learned at basic military training, the changes of basic training due to covid-19, and what will it be like being an Airmen of the 161st Air Refueling Wing. Hmm.. I wonder. When the tables started turning, it seemed like the enlistment process happened so fast. From the time I expressed interest to my recruiter to the day I raised my right hand saying the oath of enlistment was about 2 months. I'll remember that day with such pride for the rest of my life. I recall that when I deciding between the Army National Guard and the Air National Guard, I was quite torn. According to my resources, I learned that the Army has very nice incentives but doesn't care for their people well. On the other hand, the Air Force has decent incentives but prioritize caring for their people. I considered both in great depth, and realized that the Air Force felt right and my parents were set at ease with that choice more so than the Army National Guard. I believe they would've supported whatever choice I made, but it was right for me. Additionally, when I chose the Air Force I did away with Tuition Assistance which seemed to be the best incentive of all of them. The Air Force never had received the TA before. In choosing the Air Force, I chose the care I received over the money. I believed firmly that if the money received wasn't enough, God would provide because that is just who He is.
Fast forward... It was my first drill after enlistment and lets just say I was incredibly nervous, anxious and excited. I didn't know what to expect and I had also caught a really bad cold the day before. I guess I had this perspective that since it was the military - you don't call out, you just grind it out and be tough. And a little bit into the drill, a student flight member showed up late saying she had a cold- my recruiter let her go home. My initial internal response was... WHAT THE HECK. But I made the choice to get through it because although I was really very sick, I desperately needed the money.
At the beginning of the day, student flight would attend Commanders Call along with many other guardsmen. Commanders Call was an announcement meeting for a portion of the guardsmen. Much of the announcements were not for us, but we went and listened. Some dosed off while I mostly just heard sounds because it all seemed pretty foreign to me still. Then all of a sudden the superior officer leading the Commanders Call mentioned Student Flight... I was awake mentally all of a sudden. He congratulated all the recruiters for their hard work. And then he started talking to us, I will never forget what happened next. He said, " Student Flight, we want you to know that there are people on the civilian side fighting for your rights and incentives as part of the Air National Guard at this Wing. Specifically, people are in court fighting for you to receive tuition assistance. (Remember before I said, never before has the Air Force received this government funding before...) Well as of Oct 1, 2019 TA was passed and will become effective Oct 1, 2020. This is the first time ever the Air Force has received this incentive and it will have a trial run beginning on this base specifically. We just want you to know that we care about you. You are the future of the Air Nation Guard." I sat there. I was absolutely stunned, what I thought would never happen just happened. And as I sat there miserable as heck, tears started run down my face and I felt a chill go up my spin. My thoughts hadn't even turned to prayers, but God still heard me. And in that precious moment, God said " I love you, Chloe." God honored my choice and blessed my obedience. This moment was the first of many that confirmed that I truly heard God call me into the military, and I believe it is one that will always remind me He is with me and that He is faithful when things get tough.
Friends who are reading this today, I just wanna remind you of this truth- God honors obedience and will bless you when you choose Him first. Even though you may feel vulnerable and scared, God will honor you when you put Him first. Thank you for reading these blog posts, they mean so much to me as I get the profound opportunity to share the things God has done in my life. I hope you are blessed by the stories, thoughts and the Scriptures that stay with me always.
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