I want to be honest about life. The truth is life sucks sometimes. Sometimes I cry so hard that I have to sleep cause my eyes are so heavy. Sometimes I feel heavy and stressed. Sometimes, I wonder how much longer can I go on or keep it all together until I tap out. Sometimes I feel lonely. Sometimes I ache for my heart's desire that I haven't even seen or experienced yet. Sometimes I lean too much on others rather than God. And sometimes I am scared of change.
I know social media portrays life in a flawless lens, but it is a lie. And the truth is... the good and the hard run parallel in this journey called life. But lately, I have been so encouraged to remember that one day there will be no more parallel. No more riots or hate. No more controversy or competition. Just love. When we see our King face to face, seeing Him on throne without a veil and seeing his incomparable glory. I wonder if I will tremble in awe of Him. What a moment that will be, and that moment will last for all of eternity. What a thought... In comparison to what we endure these days, I believe that it is worth it.
2 Corinthians 4:17 says, "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." I remember I had this verse playing like a broken record in my head while running that PT test in Basic Training. It was before I got injured, but even still my body was weak. Yet, I was convinced that God was bigger. Even then, I didn't know how he was gonna get it done but only that He would get me to the finish line. And so much more fight happened after that moment, but I think I saw a sneak peek of his glory. I have never struggled nor fought for something so hard and for so long in my life, and it wasn't just to be an airman. It came back to the assurance that I believed God had called me into service and I held onto that with an iron grip. I fought to be the same untainted woman full of purity, and one who values life with God so much even after Basic Training. I never considered the strength that was under the surface until everything I had ever known was put to the test. I hate to say it but that horrific pain that I felt every day in my body was only temporary in comparison to what I will receive for eternity in Heaven. And praise God for that and for his great faithfulness in life.
More recently, I went on a very short mission trip to New Mexico. We went to serve the Navajo Nation and help in their warehouse to get boxes of toys to all the kids in those churches. It was more work than we all anticipated, but it was so rewarding. I love to serve because I don't get anything out of it that is materialistic. I love that I received deep care, friendship, and love for others and for God. But I say their neediness was great, we brought nothing but ourselves and it was enough. I can honestly say God multiplied our efforts.
I remember in some of our free time, I opened my journal. It was my journal that I filled in basic training and tech school. I read it at times when I want to remember how good God has been. I love to read it because my thoughts had no filter, they were just completely raw and uncovered... The guys were having a spontaneous worship session and I was sleepy, but I opened my book. I found a sentence I wrote, " Jesus, remind me of these things every moment. especially on the PT pad." I don't know exactly what I referring to, but the Pt pad is where we worked out and we were in group facilitated workouts. All the MTIs would walk around making sure we are giving all we got and having correct form. I prayed that God would remind me of the strength I have in him and that no matter what Heaven rules. God is on the throne. So when I am put to my max and I have no more to give, Jesus remind me of these things especially on the PT pad.
Remind me that my efforts are never in vein and that you will multiple what I give when I put others first. This weekend, I added on to that phrase, " Remind me of these crazy worship moments that make it all worth it." Sometimes life is crazy and hard that you wonder how spending time with God will actually fix what is in front of you. Then when you are in his presence, you are reminded how much you have been missing and how big your God actually is. The worship moments last weekend were probably not spotless, but they were rich as we seated in the presence of God. It reminded me that it is worth it.
Different seasons call for different things, BMT called me to be strong when I felt weak and complacent. Now, I am called to fight to be faithful in the daily things which continues to bring me into his presence. It gives me peace being still with my King. So keep going when you are on your PT pad, be very much in the moment with your King and your present life. But I implore, remember that the truth that is never shown on social media that cuts you like a knife, God already knows. So may the truth be told to the one who knows you better than you know yourself.
And may you remember what you have been given in Christ during this most beautiful Christmas season. I find that this year Christmas is a lot more sweeter than it has been in the past years, because I realize I have so much to be thankful for. It has been very trying, but God never changed. "To the one who doesn't change like shifting shadows." (James 1:17) Be blessed and grateful for Jesus.
Tell the truth and receive the truth. Love you much.
Always,
Chloe <3
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