Here's how it all began.
"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters..."
The Spirit of God hovered over the waters in the midst of absolute darkness.
To bring it a bit closer to home, let me tell you about my week. It has been busy to say the least. I have numerous dreams and hopes for the future... I have so many decisions that endlessly seem to be floating in my mind. If someone would come up to me, and ask "Chloe, what do you want to do with your life?" or "What is your 5-10 year plan?"
I guess I have an idea, but it seems life keeps shifting and I am not sure what in the heck is happening. So many job decisions, trying to figure my life out, figure me out... and none of it seems to be a cookie cutter shape at all. There is no premade recipe for the design that God seems to be baking me in.
So the last few nights, I have found myself kneeling or crouching holding my face and crying. I don't have a plan. I guess however much I want to know, I really don't want to know what my future holds. These thoughts seem to make too much sense, its sickening. At times these emotions make me feel like a puppet.
And tonight, I write this for people who are being made and taking a step forward in faith, adults who aren't sure where to go after the pandemic hit or others that just need to hear the truth of God's consistency in our lives.
And as I have been seeking God--I am reminded of a passage in the book, The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. In the book, she is on a train with her father traveling. She has a very close and unique relationship with her father. She has had a question pressing that no one else in her life has been able to answer. As a preteen, she asks her father a question that is not age appropriate for her season of life. In response, her father looks at her and says nothing. Then, he stands up, lifted his traveling case from the rack from over their heads, and set it on the floor.
"Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?" he said.
I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased this morning.
"Its too heavy," I said.
"Yes," he said. "And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger, you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you."
And I was satisfied. More satisfied --wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions--for now, I was content to leave them in my father's keeping.
I was floored when I read this, to say the least. When the emotions and questions run high, when it all makes me feel like a puppet or under so much pressure to want to know what to say or do... I can be so so content as I leave it in my Father's keeping. That he knows best because he is good. I can trust him.
And Like a Dove, the spirit of God hovers over my dark waters, over your waters every moment... when I cannot see the next step in front of me. Guide me Lord. When all I feel like is a vulnerable trainee Scott in my basic training dorm (like a guinea pig in an experiment being poked at and stared at) hover over these waters. And remind me that you cover, you provide and sustain me like a cloud by day and a fire by night. Providing my every meal, my every word, my every need.
Then the page turns. The page where I get to choose what I am going to be about, what these thoughts say about me and the power I give my emotions. (Upperhand)
"...And God said , "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness..."
~Genesis 1:1-4
And there in the same moment the hovered over the darkness, you proclaimed light. You separated the darkness from light and saw that it was good. I pray we see God separate the darkness in our lives from his light like a knife. May we clearly see his goodness, his truth and love that covers over a multitude of sins and is greater than any tangible circumstance in this life.
I fight for and wait on the ride that comes at the right time, finishes what was started, the promise keeper, tear catcher, lover. Jesus Christ forever. In all the twists and turns, may we learn that we can entrust our hearts to you.
And as I press forward in this blog, I intend not to become a kind of fake follower of Jesus. I hope to portray my desperate need for my God in every post as it truly reflects my heart in my life. I am not perfect, but I serve a perfect God. My deep desire is to influence and impact others to live life with such raw authenticity to be the person God made them to be, so that Christ can be glorified all the more, more transformation, more hearts set on fire for him. And through our authenticity to be the beautiful one of a kind for Jesus, may the Lord make ripe the hearts of unbelievers to see Jesus like Paul did. Radically and undeniably.
Rest on us Father. Like a dove that never leaves. Our friend forever. Holy Spirit you are welcome in us, in our midst. May we follow your lead every second we have the honor of living and breathing.
"How beautiful are the feet that carry the Gospel." Build your church in us. Every step of the way.
Love y'all,
Chloe
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