Lord, how long will it take for my discomfort to fade into comfort?
I think pride is tricky. It makes us believe that our way is the only way. It makes for a really lonely heart with pride. It clouds judgement. It wants you to believe you are alone because no one else believes in you. I always struggled moving on after being wounded by others and every time I tried I couldn't. So I have held a grudge against the circumstance for a while now and eventually chose isolation over people. The isolation drove me to many mistakes and blindness in the valley. I have experienced a lot of loss, made mistakes, hold regrets. I think some of what I deal with is a lack of self-acceptance as of lately. The Lord has opened a new door, but I feel too scared to walk through and jump in. My emotions cloud my mind, and I am scared to let God take a look under the hood.
What happens when I open all the windows and doors in my heart? What happens when I say maybe I missed the mark and thought the Lord was doing something - but it fell flat? What happens when I make friends and they are invited to see me as I am? What happens when I finally say goodbye to my wound and let healing have its way? What happens when I say goodbye to my will? What happens when I choose Jesus? When I choose to sacrifice everything to be His bride?
Jesus has His victory and fullness of life in me with nothing misaligned.
So I say yes. Yes to the master diagnosis under the hood. Yes to the poking and prying like the disliked dentist. I believe that the Lord is true. His truth is irrefutable, unmistakable and irreplaceable. This truth is objective and not based upon anything subjective. I guess it just comes down to believing. Believing that the Bible is the truth and is the source that aligns us to the heart of God. I have discovered that my situational discomfort is not of value, only my comfort in staking my claim on the son of man.
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: And I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever."
~Psalm 23:6
Friends, What do you believe in? Are you aligned with Jesus in holiness and righteousness? If not, what is your obstacle? I just want the church to find alignment and unity with God, so the enemy has no territory anymore. It is a big ask, but God has the final say.
I just don't want to be afraid to be seen by others. I don't want to fear my physical condition because all the tests doctors are running to help my legs heal after BMT. I don't want to fear a healthy church that is different from DCP. I don't want to fear leaving isolation or the Lord's questions. I want obedience. I want healing. I want Jesus moment by moment. Jesus is my friend.
My yes to surrender my past and any confidence I have in myself more than in Jesus... is like that of the bridegroom. He gives everything to the bride out of undying love and devotion, and the bride responds with surrender and sacrifice through a I-can't-live-without-you-kind-of-love. May it be the same with you.
I love you friends. Jesus is your friend.
Are you ready to commune with the Father? He waits for you.
All my best,
Chloe <3
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